Speaking as a former budak asrama, here's five thing you should've done/should do while you were/are in a boarding school before you get old and started living like any uptight, bitter adults you've known in your life.

Seriously, if you're nerds don't just sit in a nerd table during lunch with your nerdy friends, talk about JAVA programming and fantasy sex three-breasted goddess of Azeroth. Try eating your lunch at budak-budak otai's table, budak-budak lembut's table, budak-budak sukan's table and let's not forget the table which there's only one weird fella would sit.

I did all of this and found out budak-budak otai are all good friends, budak-budak lembut love giving you free stuff like cookies, budak-budak sukan would pass the ball to you and even ping a nice cross for you to miss glaringly in front of goal and the weird fella is actually a spoiled rich kid who hates his dad and would love nothing more to spend his dad's money buying you stuff.

Don't be all like 'OMG..what crap are you listening' to your friends. Especially to the one who has a nice collection of CDs or casette tapes or mp3s of all kinds of music you could imagine. Instead of dismissing their taste of music, ask yourself a question like 'i wonder why he/she likes this musician'. Don't just put nasyid casette tape on your walkman or maybe tune to local radio stations for fresh music. Radio stations play shit musics.

Don't just turn up during fried chicken day or nasi beriani day. Eat whatever it is your school has to offer despite how fucked up their fried fishes are, how awful their soup looks like or how horrible the feeling you get when you shoved all those craps down your throat. Just eat them for a couple of years and you'd be surprised to know that you have a heightened food quality standards.

You know what makes a fried fish taste better. You know what makes watermelon taste better. You can tell if a chicken is properly cooked or not. You know the smell of a bad restaurant when you see one. But, most importantly you learn to appreciate food more.

You know, stupid things like hunting lizards with rubber band and clumps of paper, barging a dating couple in a classroom, get the juniors to sing 'Bunga-bunga Cinta' in front of Aspuri or maybe hiding in a classroom in darkness waiting for someone to give a major heart attack by suprising him/her.

These are the kind of things you won't forget once you leave school. 

I mean stupid law and regulations like you have to wear baju batik when you're going out to town on weekend. Or maybe sneak out of school compound once in awhile to go skinny-dipping in a river just outside of school. But, seriously don't swim naked. Bring a boxer, shorts or something. You could skip morning assembly or classes by pretending you have to go to hospital. But don't be stupid like sneaking in girls dormitory to steal girls teddy bear or something.

Someday, you'll tell this story to your future girlfriends and they would think you are funny. You don't think about telling a story about you went to Math Olympiads when you were in high school, do you?

Maharaja Lawak Mega (MLM) dah lama habis tapi baru-baru ni je gua berkesempatan untuk tengok siri rancangan tersebut. Meskipun gua dah tau siapa pemenangnya, gua tetap nak tengok kerana memang minat gua kepada rancangan komedi.

Semasa buzz MLM tengah panas, gua dengar-dengar cerita orang yang Mr. Os ada masuk. Sebagai anak kelahiran Perak, Mr. Os ni menjadi kebanggaan anak Perak. Tak banyak loghat Perak masuk TV masa zaman 80-an tetapi Mr.Os memecah tradisi tersebut.

Selain tu, gua dengar Bob Kuman pun masuk jugak. Terus terang gua cakap, Bob Kuman tersangat-sangatlah underrated. Orang cakap Sharifah Shahira tu lawak. Abon ni lawak. Fuck that shit! Figuratively, Bob Kuman makan Abon dan berak Sharifah Shahira. Ada satu scene dalam Jutawan Fakir yang melibatkan Bob Kuman yang gua ingat sampai sekarang sebab selalu buat gua pecah perut. Dalam scene tersebut, Bob Kuman cakap satu perkataan je. 

"Pendekkan".

Rowan Atkinson tak perlu melontarkan sebutir perkataan pun untuk buat orang gelak. Bob Kuman hanya sebut satu perkataan sahaja untuk buat gua teringat-ingat scene tersebut sampai sekarang. It takes a sheer class to make people laugh with barely speaking.

Berbalik kepada MLM, daripada apa yang gua tengok kebanyakkan comedy sketch yang ditunjukkan dari kebanyakkan kumpulan menunjukkan mentaliti penduduk tiga negara yang terlibat ni masih kolot, ortodoks dan kaku.

Pelawak dari Indonesia masih membuat lawak terhadap golongan minoriti. Orang genit disamakannya dengan monyet. The short man with funny voice dibuli-buli macam golongan kelas ketiga.

Yeah, torment the runt and have a laugh - What are we? 1930's society?

Pelawak dari Malaysia kebanyakkannya masih kolot, kaku dan tak berani bereksperimen. Pelawak yang banyak berlakon dengan drama-drama RTM masih buat lawak bodoh drama RTM. Pelawak yang hip sikit dan selalu muncul di TV3 pulak masih buat komedi slapstik ala-ala Senario yang dah basi sejak 2000.

Yang dari Singapura lagi merepek. Gua mengharapkan dah jadi negara maju ni, komedinya juga maju kehadapan. Tapi, macam Chef Wan - gua hanya ada dua adjektif untuk dua pelawak Singapura ni. Meroyan dan merepek. Menamakan kumpulan sendiri sebagai 'Gebu' hanya kerana mereka berbadan gebu sahaja dah menunjukkan yang status negara maju tak menjamin kemajuan paradigma masyarakat negara tu sendiri. Lepas ni apa pulak? Menamakan kumpulan sendiri 'Melayu' sebab semua ahli kumpulan orang Melayu?