Almost one year ago, I broke up with my girlfriend. The girl I ever loved for wonderful 5 years we were together. If people asked me why we broke up (and apparently they do it a lot), I just can't answer it with a straight, one-line answer. I got caught up with a lot of problems (financial, study, family), and I could see why it affected our relationship.
We insisted to leave our relationship on good terms. No hard feeling. We were even doing the we-are-still-friends thing. The truth is, it's a load of bullshit. No, you won't. Would you still invite her for a cup of teh tarik with your other friends? Do you still tell jokes to her? Do you ask her how is she holding up without stumble upon her in a bookstore or stalking her facebook profile or asking her friends? Told ya.
Unless you are dating Robin Scherbatsky, of course.
We kept our distance for awhile. You know, to get used to single life again. And after awhile, I'd moved on. I indulged myself in work, family and hobby. I work like a dog, I love my little brothers more than ever and I bought myself another bass guitar and a decent amp. I feel pretty good.
But then one day , out of nowhere she called me. She caught me by surprise and I felt like I had to answer her call. We chatted awkwardly for about 10 minutes or so. You know, catching up with each others life. But, when she began to call me more often, I swear to God I'm not proud with what I've done but I ditched her calls. Sometimes, she leaved me 15 missed call in one night. That's when I realized I'm SO NOT over her.
So, why the hell I'm ditching her calls if I'm not over her? What if she wanted to get back with me?
Well, that I can't answer too. It's not that I hate her or anything. No. I just happened to think we broke up for a reason. Maybe I'm not ready to be someone's boyfriend. Financially and mentally. Physically I was ready since I'm 13 (yeah, I'm a late bloomer). I happened to be a very instinctive man and a bold risk taker, which means I get in troubles a lot. And I know for a fact, she's not good with troubles.
Also, as the eldest son in my family I get used to the idea of pleasing my parents and other people by hook or crook. I'm the good son, a straight A's and model student and I couldn't bear to hurt her feeling and tell her to stop calling me.
So, one day I asked my friend to do me a favor. She would pretend as my girlfriend and talk some sense into her so that she would leave me the hell alone. One fine morning, they talked and thankfully it went well without nobody cursing each other. I managed to talk to her as well and she told me one thing I have always wanted for her. She has a boyfriend now and she's happy. Phew. Thank you, God. She truly deserves eternal happiness.
As for me now, I'm just happy by seeing people I loved being happy. I might be foreveralone but hey! As long as they're happy, I'm happy too.